i’m losing friends and i don’t understand why. and they’re newfound friends i’ve gotten quite fond of. our english prof told me that being attached to people in college isn’t a nice option especially with my course because only a few survive and i can never make sure that any of us are strong enough to remain. but recently this friend’s been pretty down and earlier she texted me she was crying about the stress. i don’t think she has a reason to be upset about because she’s hella smart and she’s likely to survive. then she says she doesn’t want to hang out with our group of friends anymore because none of us can understand her and she thinks she can do better alone. i want to yell at her or something, but i can’t bring myself to. i don’t really think one can be completely understood when s/he refuses to be. it’s like she’s in some sort of inner battle where she unintentionally yields negativity as her prime weapon.

i have to say that sometimes i experience the same kind of loneliness, and i’m usually unreasonably sad so i can partially understand her. but if only she gives herself some time to adjust and us some time to open ourselves to her and understand her, things would be less complicated. i don’t know. she’s as emotionally unstable as i am mentally. i don’t blame her. civil engineering is far from easy. prelims isn’t even there yet and we’re already so stressed out. but she’s already letting the strain get to her so early that it’s consuming her.

this also makes me lonely. this is the first time ever in my life where i finally make a new set of friends who actually somehow like me, and two step out. the first one stopped hanging out with us for unknown reasons and we just let it go. but i’ve grown so fond of the second one that it actually hurts. i’m scared i might have no friends left. there are only three of us now. the other is an easy crier and is usually homesick, and the other is conscious because since the first one left, he’s been the only guy left in our group and he’s afraid he might be mistaken as someone gay for hanging out with girls too much. it’s all so vague. i don’t want to lose any more friends.